Hey CityFam,

Last night I went out to listen to some music with some of my CityFam friends here in Houston. We ended up at this place called The Barn not too far from here, but there were people! There were so many people there and it actually felt a little bit normal. We were outside, so you didn't have to wear a mask and you could just sit around. There was this big, giant tree in the middle. It had lights hanging everywhere and a band playing -it was a gorgeous night!

There were people just hanging out, meeting new people. Singles groups were all over this place! And I ended up meeting a really nice girl named Tina. She asked, “What makes CityFam different than any of these other groups out here?” Now I happened to know many of the groups out there. I had to think for a second, “What makes CityFam different?”

What would you say? How would you define CityFam?

Last night when I was talking to her, I scanned the whole group of people who were there. I said, “CityFam is not a group just for singles. There are actually people who are dating; there are people who are married, and there are people who are engaged. It's for anyone. And I think that makes CityFam really unique. It means that we're not just a singles group. The other thing that makes CityFam different is it's not just this group of people who are looking for the next hookup.” I could actually SEE that happening last night. I'm not kidding.

The other thing we're not is we're not an abstinent group. Tina had seen some of our videos. She knew where I stood and she thought that CityFam was just about people who were waiting. CityFam is not that! CityFam is not an abstinent group. We're not a church. We're not a cult. We're a COMMUNITY. And I love our community. I think we're a community of positive, supportive people. When I started to explain this to Tina, I said, “We're just real.”

That's one of the reasons why I love you guys! I think CityFam, and who we are is rare because everybody just shows up and we're okay with imperfections. We're okay with being a work in progress. We're okay with not feeling like you've arrived or like everyone's arrived or that you have to dress a certain way or look a certain way or live in a certain tax bracket or a certain part of town or behave a certain way. It doesn't matter if you have a day job or if you have a night job. It doesn't matter if you are one race or another. It doesn't matter if you have a high level of education or a low level of education. Wherever we are, we’re all saying, “We just want to be a better version of ourselves than we were the day before, whatever that looks like.”

It's acceptance for wherever you are. You can totally bomb the day and you're still accepted. You could totally walk out of this group and come back three months later and you're accepted. You're welcome back in!

I remember actually having a conversation with a guy here in Houston, his name's Paul. These were his exact words: “Nicole, that was the nicest ass-chewing I've ever received.” And it was good because I went to him and I was like, “Look, dude, THIS. What you've got happening in your life. It's not cool. It's not good.” It was like that no man left behind kind of attitude. I wasn't going to let him sit where he was. He was better than that! So instead of just letting him go or letting him do his thing, I was like, “No, no, no, come on. Let's do this and let's do it together.” We have this tribe of people who will not leave us behind!

We push each other towards our best. And I don't know about you guys, but I love y'all for that. My best may not be exactly what you think my best should be, but you still push me to me best anyway, because it means something to me. We do that for each other. We can let each other be unique and celebrate it.

Now I used to imagine the CityFam as this giant organization, where you could be in any city and you could find a group of people who were just like your own. But really, as I was thinking about this, I realized we DO have that. I believe that if I traveled to Seattle, I know I could find a group of people who welcomed me in. A CityFam group is inviting and cool. They don't have these expectations of me that I can't carry. I know I would find that in LA and Columbus. I've been to Dallas, Phoenix and to Vegas. I've been in those places where these groups are creating a culture like this.

I believe that it's not just something that I'm imagining now. And it's happening and it's growing, it's growing into places like Kansas and Missouri and Nashville and Iowa. If you guys only knew! Delaware and New York, I know you guys have been a part of this even longer than I have. I just love it.

Now it does take effort in our part. Our part is to show up, be a part of it, and participate. Sometimes the scariest thing is to jump in there. If you are reading this blog and you've just kind of been watching and looking (and I think that’s fine. Honestly, check us out, see who we are, see what we do). But if that is you, my challenge to you is just to put yourself out there! Comment on a post, message somebody in the group, or whatever it might be -just get started on being a part of this community, the kind of community that changes lives because we're all doing life together.

Many have said that their quarantine situation would have been very different without CityFam! CityFam Online can actually be a community of people who will accept you right where you are and help you become the best version of yourself. I really believe that even though we can't meet everyone in person, that it can still happen that way.